This Blog Post was written by one of our FTL Directors, Pastor Dean Kurtz who pastors at Faith Baptist Church in Taylors, SC.
Early in my ministry I made the horrible mistake of asking one of my dear friends about one of her favorite Christmas traditions when she was growing up. I remember her blank stare. It told me immediately that I had projected my idyllic upbringing in a stable family onto her chaotic, panic-stricken, dysfunctional past. She had no Christmas traditions. Every Christmas she could remember was far from the Hallmark story I had in my sanitized childhood.
For many of our Friday friends, (I use that term of endearment for my FTL attendees) Christmas is anything but merry and bright. Why is that? What can be done to help them through what may be a triggering minefield? How could we help them write a new paradigm that reflects a more biblical template for living through the holiday season? How can we help them not only survive, but thrive during the holidays?
“So, how were YOUR holidays?”
Many conversations begin with that question. The very question belies an assumption; the holidays are about me! Expectations for the holidays can run unrealistically high. It is almost a given in our narcissistic culture that entitlement grows from those many times unrealistic expectations. For many or most of my Friday friends, the holidays also bring to the surface many deep regrets. Most of the time, culture teaches us that holidays are about “…friends who are dear to us, gather near to us, once more.” That's a tough message to swallow when many times these relationships trigger us or tempt us to addictive behaviors. Or, just as dramatically, our addiction has broken those ties and we will be missing those opportunities all together.
“So, what kind of Christmas are you dreaming of?”
Holiday songs, commercials, movies, holiday events, and most powerfully, our family of origin paint for us a picture of what we should be expecting from this Christmas season. Those ideas play into triggering emotions and unbiblical thinking.
We know that there is a dark side to the holidays. Drug and alcohol related deaths spike in December and January. Suicide rates rise. The holidays see an increase in overeating, drinking, sexual temptations, and emotional instability. Schedules, finances, and other deadlines also contribute to supercharging emotions, driven by wrong thinking.
What can be done?
1 Corinthians 10 speaks to the dilemma we face in our own modern day Corinths. Paul begins the chapter reminding us of the example of the children of Israel and their godless choices. They are to serve as “an example, to the intent that we should not lust after evil things” (10:6). Idolatry (a helpful description of any addiction), eating, drinking, fornication, and murmuring are enumerated as the catalyst for God’s judgment. Paul goes on to admonish us that we must not be calloused but humbly admit that we too could fall prey to those choices.
For any of us in addiction ministry, 1 Corinthians 10:13 gives us both a stern warning and great hope. 1) Although my temptation seems to be almost irresistible, it really is “common.” If I may say simply, every believer is faced with the temptation to succumb to the flesh, forsake and grieve the Spirit in us, and drift away in unbelief (Heb 3:12-13; Gal 5). “But God;” what beautiful words! “But God is faithful.” Sovereignly, graciously, He goes with us through each temptation, making a way of escape as we humbly seek Him in our temptations. Remind your people of this!
Another truth that I have found to be important during this season is to remind our Friday friends that any of us can get caught up with friends or family and find ourselves in a compromising position. (Consider Peter’s compromise of the gospel in Galatians 2:11-14.) Any of us can regress and relapse if we allow our family, social norms, religious (or unbelieving) past blind us to deadly sinful choices. Whatever our “world” may be it is easy to conform to it and not be transformed in our thinking.
A New Path Forward
During this holiday season our goals should be to keep Christ as the center.
· Remind yourself again and again that this season needs to be about considering Jesus’ incarnation and all its implications. How? Spend extra time reading the Word and learn not only from Christ’s humility (Phil 2) but from each of the characters that surrounded Christ.
· Thoughtfully making wise and loving choices when it comes to who and how we relate to those around us. Redeem the time and invest in loving others. Don’t simply isolate, build up others in health giving relationships. Don’t indiscriminately fill your holiday calendar with triggering events. Be smart and humble in your relationship choices.
· Focus on giving to others as Christ gave to us. As you give to others, graciously receive what others may give to you.
· Although this may seem counterintuitive, let yourself enjoy as many good gifts (James 1:16-17) as the Spirit leads you to enjoy. Go through the season with Jesus, looking for the good gifts He has provided for you.
· Since this may be a time when family and friends reach out to you, make it a prayer request that God would help you ask forgiveness of others you may have sinned against and be willing to grant forgiveness to those that have sinned against you in the past. Perhaps God would allow you to restore at least one relationship this holiday season.
Allow me to suggest a few more practical things for you to consider.
· Go on record with friends and family that you have committed to remain clean and sober this holiday season.
· If you decide Jesus would have you attend a holiday gathering, have a backup plan for leaving early. Perhaps go with a “battle buddy” who will keep you accountable. Ask someone to call you every half an hour so you could leave at any time simply by saying, “I’m sorry but I have to leave and take care of something.”
· Attend every church service you can during this season. Stay in the truth!
Above all make sure Christ is the center of your holidays.
