Being Known
Simply stated, a community is a place of belonging where people unify for one reason or another. For the pastor, his community often consists of the sheep which he is called to shepherd. This shepherding consists of feeding, praying, caring for, counseling, evangelizing, and even disciplining. For a pastor to accomplish all these tasks in both a biblical and efficient manner, he must know his sheep well. Most pastors understand the high calling of knowing their sheep well which is why they spend so much time preparing, planning, preaching, praying, and providing for all sorts of spiritual needs for their congregation.
While knowing their community is vital to the pastor, it is just as vital to allow the community to know him. He must not only feed his flock, but he must be fed by his flock. He must not only pray for his flock, but he must let his flock pray for him. He must not only care for his flock, but he must let them care for him. He must not only counsel his flock, but he must allow them to counsel him. He must not only remind his flock of the Gospel, but he must listen for Gospel reminders from them. And in some cases, he not only disciplines, but allows the flock to discipline him.
"Pastors were never meant to pastor in seclusion..."
Don’t skip over this vital task too fast. Spending one’s time and energy getting to know his flock is hard, exhausting, frustrating, and at the same time very rewarding. There’s a personal gain at the end of those actions. Conversely, giving someone permission to enter the most intimate parts of a pastor’s life (heart, mind, will, and desires) by being open, honest, and vulnerable can be scary at best and horrifying at worst. It’s scary because information of an intimate nature can be used against someone in a punitive way. It can be horrifying because exposure could mean the loss of income as well as community. Punishment, loss of livelihood, and loss of community are three massive factors that can lead many pastors to keep everyone at arm’s length relationally.
Pastors were never meant to pastor in seclusion as seclusion allows for self-deception and secret habitual sin often times resulting in destruction. Destruction might be in the pastor’s family, his church, or even his own life. Whatever the result, if a pastor is going to care for the sheep to the best of his ability, he must allow his flock to know him. A pastor who is unwilling to allow his flock to know him, sets the proverbial stage for his flock to receive some of the most devastating blows. An unknown pastor can upset the faith of some (2 Timothy 2:18), lead others astray (2 Timothy 3:6), as well as shipwreck his own faith (1 Timothy 1:19). Perhaps the great horror of the unknown pastor is that one day as he stands before Jesus, he will hear, “I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness.” (Matthew 7:23)
How to Be Known
Be Wise and Selective
Wisdom when choosing those in the community who will know the pastor is of paramount importance. Two or three mature members of that community who know both Scripture and the heart of the pastor should be sufficient to hold the pastor accountable in ways that will be helpful and hopeful. Using wisdom must never keep him from finding at least one or two people who know his desires, where he is prone to be tempted, where he has fallen into temptation in the past, what his mind is prone to think about when it’s not forced to think about anything, and so on and so forth. The pastor must have a community in his life that knows him so that they can care for him.
Use Emotions
Emotions are simply pleasant and unpleasant indicators highlighting how the spiritual heart is functioning. Like lights on the dashboard of a car or a smoke detector in a home, emotions are tangible indicators in the pastor’s life signaling spiritual inner man activity. Using these indicators, the pastor can allow others to know him by sharing how he feels about his relationship with the Lord, his wife, his kids, the congregation, and so forth. Sharing his emotions will allow those in his community to begin to ask wise mature questions to draw out the purposes/desires/motives of the pastor (Proverbs 20:5). One strong emotional indicator is fear. For the pastor to be better known, someone from his community might ask, “What is something that you fear the church will find out about you” or “Which emotion do you feel the strongest when you think about your marriage”.
Develop Specific Questions
General close-ended questions can deceive the pastor into thinking that there are those who know him, when they do not. For instance, if a pastor were to be asked the question, “Did you struggle with sexual sin this week” to which he probably would answer no. Both the pastor and the one(s) asking the question could leave that discussion feeling as though “being known” had taken place. This bit of data accomplishes very little when it comes to the pastor being known. In contrast, if the pastor is asked a specific open-ended question, there is a much greater opportunity for the pastor to be known. A specific open-ended question might sound like, “Last week when your family was away for two days and you were alone, how did you spend your time? If you could have that time to do over again, what would you do differently and why?” Specific open-ended questions help to prevent self-deceit and offer a chance for the pastor’s community to know him better.
Build Trust
Trust is built as promises are both made and kept. As those in the pastor’s community take time to know their pastor and as the pastor honestly allows his community to get to know him, trust begins to be built. Building trust can be compared to building a bridge. The lighter the materials (wood) used to build the bridge; the less cargo can be carried across the bridge. Conversely, the heavier the material (iron, steel, concrete), the more cargo can be carried across the bridge. Using this analogy, if the pastor’s community rarely takes time to get to know the pastor and/or the pastor rarely allows his community to know him, the only “cargo” that will be carried in that relationship will be fluffy unimportant surface level cargo. The harder things of life (suffering, fears, worries, temptations, failures) will never cross the relational bridge between the pastor and his community. Out of fear the bridge will fail and the pastor will remain unknown, to his detriment as well as the detriment of those whom he has been called to shepherd.
Being known by selecting two or three people who aim to build trust with their pastor through asking specific questions is a way for a community to love their pastor as well as a way for a pastor to love his community. Without this kind of community interaction, both the pastor and the congregation are at great risk. One does not have to dig too far into the annuls of the internet to find church after church that has be destroyed because the pastor was simply unknown. For the glory of God and care for the church, it is time for pastors to take a step out in faith and become known.
